There’s more to pleasure than you think.
Pleasure is self-interested. It’s about you: what you want, what you need, and how to get more of it. It’s everything we’re taught is too frivolous to pursue seriously as adults. And yet when we experience genuine arousal, desire, and pleasure, those are the moments when we feel most connected and alive.
We filmed Sex, Love & goop to help anyone create more of those moments. In six episodes, five incredible experts will help you answer the most salient question about your sex life: What gives you pleasure?
In the clip below, somatic sexologist and educator Jaiya—who has spent the last two decades studying what turns people on—describes how she helps people discover their primary erotic language. Press play to start your journey.
LEARN MORE FROM THE EXPERTS ON
The Beauty of Sexological Bodywork
A Q&A with Darshana Avila
Sexological bodywork sits at the intersection of erotic and therapeutic touch. It’s one approach to getting to know your body’s sexual responses in an authentic way. “We’re taught to think more about how sex looks instead of how it feels,” erotic wholeness coach Darshana Avila says. “And so we turn all of that on its head in a sexological bodywork session and focus on your felt sense. What is it like in your body?”
Who can benefit from sexological bodywork?
“It’s helpful for people who are experiencing pain in their bodies or sexual dysfunction or for people who feel blocked from having the quality of experience that they want. It’s also a fantastic modality to empower your voice, get more clear in knowing what you want—identifying that to begin with—and then be able to ask for it. It can help you communicate around boundaries and desires and make room for the authentic expression of your eroticism,” Avila says. “In my practice, I work more with people who are interested in accessing their pleasure and tapping into what feels like an untapped well of potential around their erotic lives.”
Can a Mirror Improve Your Relationship to Your Body?
A STEP-BY-STEP GUIDE TO MIRROR WORK BY AMINA PETERSON
When I was first confronted with mirror work—the practice of looking in the mirror and really seeing yourself—it was challenging. It went against everything I’d been told all my life about how I should see myself and how I should see others. Mirror work moves us out of this space where our beauty is for other people to consume and not for us to realize. That’s especially true for women and femmes.
When I talk to people about struggles that they have in intimacy, a lot of it is about being seen. Intimacy is so much about being witnessed. And a lot of us struggle with being witnessed by others because we don’t even allow ourselves to witness ourselves. If I am unable to look at myself, how am I going to allow my partner to look at me? How am I going to get to a space where I experience true intimacy with a partner if I’m terrified of self-intimacy? If I’m scared that somebody else will see something that I don’t allow myself to see?
When I was first confronted with mirror work—the practice of looking in the mirror and really seeing yourself—it was challenging. It went against everything I’d been told all my life about how I should see myself and how I should see others. Mirror work moves us out of this space where our beauty is for other people to consume and not for us to realize. That’s especially true for women and femmes.
When I talk to people about struggles that they have in intimacy, a lot of it is about being seen. Intimacy is so much about being witnessed. And a lot of us struggle with being witnessed by others because we don’t even allow ourselves to witness ourselves. If I am unable to look at myself, how am I going to allow my partner to look at me? How am I going to get to a space where I experience true intimacy with a partner if I’m terrified of self-intimacy? If I’m scared that somebody else will see something that I don’t allow myself to see?
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What Gives You Pleasure?
It’s a question worth asking yourself—and your partner—often. If you’re not sure: We have some ideas.
Touch
How to Get Out of Your Head during Sex
Made of five coddling oils and butters, this moisture bar has just the right amount of slip. It starts out solid, melting into a luxurious massage oil as you glide it across your skin.
Unexpected Sensations
Wolverine Claws, Sensation Play, and Other Ways to Explore Kink
These oak hands are made to look like claws, and they’re an unexpected addition to foreplay. They can help create those energetic tingles that precede excellent sex. Here’s one place to start: Have your partner gently drag them from the inside of your ankles up towards your groin. (A blindfold is a solid foundation for this kind of sensation-centered play.)
Powerful Stimulation
A Sex Therapist on Vibrators, Intimacy, and Pleasure
Wand massagers are known for their rumbly, mighty external vibration, and they’re appreciated equally by people who get off quick and by people who need extra stimulation. Our Double-Sided Wand Vibrator is the ultimate intimate massager: One end has a wonder-ball wand with deep, rumbly vibrations for external stimulation. On the other side, the slim, flexible end provides powerful and precise vibration for clitoral or internal stimulation.
Getting Blown
6 Air-Pulsing Vibrators That Feel Like Oral Sex
Yes, there are vibrators that feel like oral sex. This one is made with an air-pulsing mouth that creates sucking sensations around the clitoris. Just turn it on and let it do its thing.
Intimacy
as Foreplay
Experiencing Different Kinds of Orgasm
Loaded with conversation prompts for you and an intimate partner, these cards make a game out of falling deeper in love. They’re perfect for cozy nights in (and any other time you want to feel closer to your partner).
If none of this makes you feel DTF…
Ask Gerda: What Happens to Libido as We Age?
“Libido going down as age goes up is what many women experience,” writes Gerda Endemann, goop’s senior director of science and research. “This isn’t a problem if we are happy with how we feel. But some of us don’t want to give up sexual pleasure—we want to be empowered to experience it more (and better) than ever.” DTF is a supplement that combines three herbs from traditional medical practices to support women’s sexual desire, arousal, and mood.* If you don’t know what DTF stands for, you’re not alone. Gerda had to look it up. It’s “down to f*ck.”
Explore the Sex, Love & goop Shop
It’s all for pleasure.
Dive Deeper with the Experts on Sex, Love & goop
What’s Your Erotic Blueprint Type?
A Q&A with Jaiya
Somatic sexologist and educator Jaiya has spent the last two decades studying what turns people on. Over time, she developed something called the Erotic Blueprint, an arousal map that reveals your specific erotic language: sensual, sexual, kinky, energetic, or shapeshifter. “Your Erotic Blueprint is a map to your own wiring and your own turn-on,” she says. “Your Erotic Blueprint is like your arousal language. And if everybody speaks different languages, we can learn how to speak that language.”
Finding the Pleasure in Your Body
A Q&A WITH MICHAELA BOEHM
If your sex life has become a little ho-hum, you’re not alone. Sex and intimacy expert Michaela Boehm has seen a sharp rise in complaints about lack of desire. According to Boehm, women often lose this particular sensitivity because we become disconnected from our bodies. “When we connect back into our body, we tap into a source of great power and a portal to unlocking who we truly are,” she says.
Using Family Constellations to Change Your Relationship Patterns
A Q&A with Kato Wittich
In the fifth episode of Sex, Love & goop, Kato Wittich works with Dash and Sera, who have been together a year and a half and say they are still in the honeymoon period. It’s obvious, immediately, that they are deeply attracted to each other. As Gwyneth says to them, “Yours is clearly not a sex issue.” What Dash and Sera do want help with: leaving behind relationship patterns that haven’t served them well in the past.
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