What Is Shibari? A Beginner’s Guide to Japanese Rope Bondage

Midori is a sexologist, educator, artist, and the author of The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage.

Shibari, or Japanese rope bondage, is a style of kink or BDSM play that comes out of Japan. It originated as an underground form of culturally specific erotic fantasy play that centers on the erotic nostalgia of bygone eras. In the same way that kinky people of European heritage have incorporated legends and tools of medieval European incarceration—such as shackles and Saint Andrew’s cross—into their sexual shadow play, Japanese folks found carnal inspiration in historical fables of their captured maidens and incarcerated heroes. In Europe, nonconsensual incarceration often used metal and leather, whereas in Japan it was often rope.

(Often people outside of Japan want to explain shibari as being a direct descendant of medieval samurai martial arts, but that’s a problematic colonized narrative.)

Today in Japan, shibari is enjoyed by consenting adults in their private sex lives, in stage performances in kink-themed bars, and of course in porn.

Who is shibari for? Any consenting adult. Japanese rope bondage can be enjoyed by lovers, friends with kinky benefits, and solo pleasures with yourself.

Back in 2000, when I wrote my book The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage, I often had to explain what shibari is, as most people had not heard of it. There were a few pockets of underground aficionados, and some queer fetish fringe dance clubs would have performances, but there were just a few of us specialized performers. Today, shibari is all over.

There’s the person casting the ropes, meaning they’re doing the tying.

There’s the person receiving the ropes. They get the rope on their body.

A person who is dominating the experience is the one calling the shots, while the person submitting is following directions.

Often the person casting is also dominating, and the receiving person is submitting. But you can also be the one directing and dominating the other to tie you how you want to be tied; this would fall under the title of dominant-masochist. The partner in submission who follows directions and ties the other can be called submissive-sadist; this is service topping.

Let’s not forget solo pleasures: You can tie yourself up just because it feels good or adds to your fantasy life.

Everyone is participating with fully engaged and collaborative consent. This is important.

What people get out of shibari play—physically, emotionally, and sensually—will wildly and widely vary. There are as many pleasures as there are people who enjoy shibari. But here are a few.

The one casting might enjoy:

• Role-playing as the naughty “baddie.”
• Delighting in their partner being able to let go and experience pleasure.
• Playing with their shadow safely.
• A feeling of exhilaration.
• Good sex positions.
• Feeling emotionally connected.

The one receiving might enjoy:

• Getting to let go emotionally and physically.
• The feeling of the rope and/or the feeling of tightness.
• The potential to enhance sensual perceptions and/or orgasms.
• Role-playing as the “ravished.”
• Easier-to-hold sex positions when the ropes are supporting you.
• Playing in their shadows safely.
• Feeling emotionally connected.

Ropes and safety scissors are the basics. Everything beyond that is a bonus. One of the delights of rope and shibari is that getting started doesn’t require much. Of course, some people really enjoy getting lots of fancy gear, same as in any leisure and pleasure pursuits. But shibari does not require you to have expensive ropes made of hemp, jute, or other fibers.

For hot and easy beginner play, I recommend starting with a nice soft cotton shibari rope. Here’s a good one from the Pleasure Chest.

Why cotton and not fancy materials like jute or hemp? It’s soft on the skin, holds knots well, is unlikely to irritate allergies, and is easy to wash after messy, sexy fun. Cotton is nice for a budget, too: Because it’s cheap, you can buy a lot and use it without feeling precious or overly delicate about it. It feels easier to shorten it to your desired length or cut in case of emergency. I want people to get playing, not stressing.

Pre-play conversation. Make sure to talk about what both of you want and don’t want, and then figure out the shared wants. Both parties get to state their limits and have them respected. How will each of you let the other know you are having a good time or whether you need something changed or stopped? Let the other know clearly. Establish a safe word, too.

Preplan each of your aftercare needs. After shibari fun, whether the playtime went fantastic or not, people often need their own time of transition. This period of the afterglow is necessary for converting a good time into a fantastic memory.

Start with shorter ropes, as they’re easier to handle. Super long ropes can get tangled up and just increase frustrations for the person tying and boredom for the person waiting to be tied.

Safety scissors. Always have a set nearby when playing. Sometimes knots simply get too tight or a person needs to get out fast, for whatever reason.

A simple idea to try, especially if it’s your first time: Start with your favorite sex position and use the ropes to tie the receiving partner into that shape. Another simple position: Tie the right wrist to the right thigh and the left wrist to the left thigh. If the receiving partner is a bit more flexible, try wrists to ankles.

If parts of your body get tingly, change position and see if it returns to normal. Signs that something is not going right and you should use your safety scissors: The ropes are so tight that you feel a tingling sensation or your normal skin color, texture, or temperature changes drastically.

The real key is not the ties or knots but the connection between partners, the flow of play, and your ability to improvise to cocreate joy. Which makes tying each other’s shoes a simple and exciting place to start: Try my shoe-tying drill (it’s an excerpt from my upcoming book).

It seems that most people first learn about shibari from TV and the internet—some from Instagram, some from TikTok, others from dating apps or online discussion groups, even Reddit. Just the other day I had a private instruction request from someone who saw it on an Anthony Bourdain episode set in Japan. Like so many, they had no previous experience in BDSM or kink.

These are places to spark an interest, but most popular media provides furthest thing from sensible, accurate, or safe information. There’s an accelerated amount of bad to awful info—presented as education—on TikTok.

People who are curious or interested really need to get quality, practical, and safe information, which is available if you know where to look. The challenge is that good shibari content is often not flashy—and not made for a short attention span. It does require some reading, watching, listening, thinking, and sensible experimenting. I recommend the free how-to videos from Twisted Monk, which are easy, fun, and down-to-earth. I’d also recommend my video on shibari fundamentals, which gives a tutorial on pre-play conversation and an example of what rope experiences might be like.

There are a few excellent instructional books with step-by-step instructions, including Shibari You Can Use by Lee Harrington, Two Knotty Boys Showing You the Ropes by the Two Knotty Boys, and my book The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage. And you can read excerpts from my upcoming rope book on Twisted Monk.

There may also be enthusiasts’ groups near you if you want to meet people in the BDSM community and practice.