For clients that have a hard time getting out of their heads for intimacy and sex, certified sexologist Michaela d’Artois recommends practicing sensual touch. The point is not necessarily to prepare for sexual experiences, she says, but simply to reconnect with your body.
“Getting out of our analytical, logical brain and back into our bodies can feel like this huge gap,” d’Artois says. The way to foster reconnection through touch, she says, is to gently bring your attention back to your senses: What you can feel, what you can smell, what you can hear, and so on.
Using an intimate oil lets your fingers glide over your skin, infusing simple touch with sensual heft. (Think of a massage—sexier with oil than without.) Bring Sex Oil into the picture and the moment feels like a divine ritual. The oil feels—and smells—so good. And it’s formulated to sink into the skin, moisturize, and provide just the right amount of slip without dripping onto sheets. “By creating that space—and allowing your body to transition from our everyday stressful environments into mind-body connection—oftentimes that leads to being able to become aroused,” d’Artois says.
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You can do this exercise solo or with a partner. Of course, d’Artois caveats, all this touching may lead to more touching: “I often suggest it be its own experience. And if it leads to a sexual experience, that’s all the better.”
1. SENSUAL SELF-MASSAGE
D’Artois suggests her clients reconnect with their own bodies before they connect with their partner’s. Her favorite time for self-massage is when you get out of the shower. “For women, I love to suggest a breast massage.” She says the cinnamon, cloves, and cedarwood in Sex Oil—all traditionally used to promote healthy circulation—make it an especially good fit for the breasts and chest.
2. PARTNERED MASSAGE
She also emphasizes the magic of offering each other sensual massages. “Creating that time and space, that quietness, where you can just connect with each other’s bodies without the pressure of a sexual performance or orgasm—just the smells and the feeling, like really engaged in your senses—allows you to move from your cerebral brain and drop back into your body,” d’Artois says.
Michaela d’Artois is a certified sexologist and certified sex coach based in Los Angeles. She works with clients who want help connecting with erotic pleasure—not only physically and emotionally, but spiritually, too. She recently released a digital orgasm workbook to help you better understand—and advocate for—your pleasure.