The 6 Best Sex Toys to Introduce to a Partner for the First Time
When you kick back for self-pleasure, you have a trusty vibrator that gets the job done. And maybe you’ve been thinking about introducing that toy to your partner or whomever you’re having sex with. We sought out sexologist and Dame cofounder Alexandra Fine’s advice on raising the conversation, choosing the right toy for the vibrator novice in your life, and navigating insecurities if they come up.
Fine says there is no one right way to introduce a vibrator to a partner, and that you could totally whip it out during sex without asking first if that’s what you think would work for you. But the most compassionate way, she suggests, might be to bring it up in a casual moment rather than in the heat of intimacy. Start by mentioning what’s already going well. “If you can really name something that you’re loving about the intimate experiences you’re having, that’s always a really great way of starting off a conversation,” Fine says.
Then, she says, center your pleasure: Vibrators are something you know you enjoy and have found effective in your own sexual exploration. How would they feel about bringing them into the bedroom? You might mention that you think it’ll be fun for you both and that you feel confident it’s going to bring more pleasure to your shared experience.
What’s the move if your partner is hesitant? “It’s important to have compassion for their insecurities, which might come up, but also to own that this is something you enjoy,” Fine says. For intimidated partners, she suggests reiterating that a vibrator is not a replacement for them; it’s a tool that creates a pleasurable sensation. And for people with vulvas, it can be a shortcut to physical arousal so partnered sex can be even more passionate. “You can let them know that like, look, you want to bring this toy into the bedroom with them because they bring something to the experience,” Fine says.
1
THE WEARABLE FINGER VIBRATOR
Dame Products Fin Vibrator, $85
Fine’s first pick: Fin, which is made to be worn on your hand. It’s simple (there’s just one button), intuitive to use (your partner can put it on and touch you as they normally might), and relatively unintimidating. “It’s really small, which limits this phallic, penis-versus-dildo experience,” Fine says.
That flexible strap holds the vibrator snugly on your hand, but you can take it off the device completely if you’d like more flexibility when picking Fin up and putting it down. Or Fine suggests reversing Fin so it sits on the backside of your fingers, then touching with your fingertips: “It’s going to make your fingers vibrate, which is really nice.”
2
THE FLEXIBLE PALM VIBRATOR
Tabu The Pearl, $95
Next up, something soft that cups nicely in their hand. Our current favorite in this category is Tabu’s Pearl. It’s relatively slim, so it’s unobtrusive during penetrative sex. And because it’s so soft and bendy, it feels good when you bang up against it. Added bonus: It’s incredibly powerful and very easy to use.
3
THE VULVA VIBRATOR WITH SOME SQUISH
Smile Makers The Ballerina Vibrator, $129
Smile Makers’ Ballerina vulva vibrator is similar to the Pearl in the way it sits comfortably in the palm of the hand. But instead of being totally bendy, it has a firm, round structure. And it gets its softness from a layer of super thick, springy silicone you can press a finger into—which feels really good against your clitoris and labia.
4
THE SEX PILLOW
Dame Products Pillo Sex Pillow, $95
A wedge-shaped sex pillow is great for hitting different angles and supporting your bodies in adventurous positions. Dame’s Pillo is made of soft foam. It’s firm and super supportive and has just the right amount of squish. “It will really help reduce pain and increase pleasure and add to your ways of exploring each other’s bodies,” Fine says.
5
THE COUPLES’ VIBRATOR WITH A GENEROUS CURVE
goop Wellness Viva la Vulva Vibrator, $98
We made our vulva vibrator, Viva la Vulva, with couples’ play in mind. It works best when you rock your body against it, as you might when someone else is holding it. It’s especially good in positions where your partner is reaching around you from behind. And: It’s pretty enough to leave on your nightstand.
6
THE COCK RING FOR HIM
We-Vibe Verge Vibrating Perineum Stimulator, $119
Verge is designed to loop around the penis and testicles to vibrate against the perineum, the sensitive stretch of skin between the testicles and anus. (A moment of sex ed: Touch, pressure, or vibration against the perineum is one way to stimulate the extra-sensitive prostate, which is sometimes known as the male G-spot.) And it’s great during penetrative sex; it’ll press close to his body as he moves.
