Accepting When a Relationship Has Run Its Course
The quiet terror of every fated romance lives in the question too painful to speak: “What if it doesn’t last?” Soul mates enter our lives to guide our spiritual growth, and may very well exit for those same reasons—even if that growth feels counterintuitive and scary. Spiritual medium, Rebecca Rosen—star of The Last Goodbye and author of Spirited, Awaken the Spirit Within, and What the Dead Have Taught Me About Living Well—knows something doesn’t have to last forever to serve its purpose. Her own divorce taught her that the end of love is a new beginning. Here, Rosen guides us through the gift of separation.
A Q&A with Rebecca Rosen
Q
On a spiritual level, what is the importance of our marriages and other significant romantic relationships?
A
What I’ve come to understand after channeling messages from the departed to the living for two decades is that the primary reason we’re born and incarnate into a physical body is to have the unparalleled opportunity to learn in this classroom on Earth. And for each and every one of us, learning how to give and receive love is one of life’s greatest lessons. After we eventually pass on and cross back over to the Other Side, our souls will continue to grow and evolve in the spirit form. But it’s while we’re in the physical form and in relationship with others that we can fast track our learning to become more loving, gracious, and giving—because it is here that we’re presented with new and unexpected challenges every day to be better.
Our significant romantic relationships provide us with profound opportunities to grow. They challenge us to let down the guard we so often place around our hearts and experience how it feels to be open, raw, and vulnerable with another person. When we can dive deep into a heart-centered relationship with our significant other, we each teach and learn how to give and receive love.
“It’s while we’re in the physical form and in relationship with others that we can fast track our learning to become more loving, gracious, and giving.”
Q
Are some people supposed to come into our lives for a limited amount of time?
A
Yes, and this is all by Divine design. At different points in our lives, people will cross our paths either for a season or a lifetime depending on how they can help us advance our spiritual growth. What the departed have shown me is that we will be drawn to and be in relationships with many people only for a brief moment or “chapter” in our lives. Once the lessons that we’re meant to learn from each other are complete, the relationship will either evolve or dissolve. Spirits communicate that this is perfectly natural and right in the grand scheme of our lives. Our suffering stems from our desire to manipulate and control the outcomes of our relationships, rather than accept them for what they are and let go once they’ve run their natural course.
Q
What about when you’re convinced that you’ve found your soul mate and yet the relationship dissolves? Can the gut ever be this wrong?
A
The greatest misconception I’ve heard throughout my years of doing mediumship work is that a soul mate = forever. While there is some amount of truth to this (we each have more than one, and often many soul mates who weave in and out of our lifetimes), not every one of our “mates” is intended to travel down our path until death do us part. Coming to the realization that a relationship has run its course can be difficult and painful, but it doesn’t mean your gut was wrong or that you chose the wrong partner. Our minds love to cast criticism and judgment, but likely your intuition was spot-on. And now, after a period of time together, you and this particular soul mate have come to a crossroads. Ask your departed loved ones and spirit guides to give you the courage to forge ahead and take the path that’s perfect for your spiritual growth. Take comfort that another “mate” will meet you somewhere up ahead.
“The greatest misconception I’ve heard throughout my years of doing mediumship work is that a soul mate = forever.”
Q
What if you feel a deep soul connection with someone but it’s not reciprocated?
A
If the connection isn’t reciprocated, consider that you may be misreading the relationship. Unfortunately, our minds have a way of interfering with our hearts. Sometimes we become so attached to our idea of marriage, attachment, and connection—and our desire to have all of it—that we force a round peg in a square hole. Perhaps you’ve met, or have even become involved with someone whom you hope will fulfill your deep desire for connection, when in truth, you’ve projected your desire to have a soul mate relationship onto the wrong person. Ask yourself: Am I forcing a connection?
Q
For those who are looking for love, what are ways to bring a soul mate in? How can you recognize the right person for you?
A
In order to recognize the right person for you, become clear on who you are and what you most desire in a relationship. This requires some self-inquiry and soul searching but once you’re clear, it’s easy—just be you.
Focus on doing the activities, work, and living the lifestyle that most lights you up and also brings joy, support, and healing to the world around you. When you’re aligned with your highest and most loving self, you will easily and naturally attract the “right” person into your life who perfectly matches your energy.
Q
Are we all meant to be in a relationship, or are some of us supposed to spend our lives alone?
A
What my mediumship work has shown me is that not everyone is meant to be in a committed, long-lasting relationship. This is not good or bad; it just is. We each have our individual lessons to learn and paths to walk based on what our soul needs to learn and grow. If your intuition is nudging you to walk alone, listen and then do what feels right for you.
Q
Any tips for healing from divorce, finding things to carry forward, and moving on?
A
What we focus on expands, so mentally send your former partner love and gratitude. Spend some time meditating on the gifts and lessons (clarity, patience, compassion, honesty, forgiveness) the relationship presented to you. Seeing the relationship through a spiritual lens allows you to more easily appreciate your partner and what you created together for a period of time. By focusing on the positive, you minimize and help to heal the pain, fear, and resentment that often accompany divorce. From there, you are both free to move forward and find new opportunities to grow.
“What we focus on expands, so mentally send your former partner love and gratitude.”
Q
What about children within the context of divorce—and any tips for reconciling them to the split?
A
What spirits have shown me is that before we’re each born into a body, we have a sneak peek and also an active say in what we’re signing up for, including our parents. We each choose situations that we believe will allow for our greatest growth, and to this end, some of us (and our children) sign up to experience divorce.
The reasons for this vary but often through experiencing the pain, conflict, and struggle of a difficult marriage and divorce, our children become crystal clear on what they do and don’t want to experience and create in their own lives. Learning through contrast is powerful and it actually helps children feel more in control of their choices and develop their individual voices as they get older. While our children can’t control much outside of themselves, including the free will of their parents, they always get to choose how to see the situation. If your child is struggling, suggest that splitting their time between two happy parents under two roofs is better than living unhappily under one. Explain to them that everything happens for a reason, including divorce, and that they’re never alone. Their angels, spirit guides, and living loved ones surround them every day. Tell your child “whatever life brings you, LOVE will bring you through.”
Spiritual medium, teacher, and inspirational speaker Rebecca Rosen is the author of the bestselling books Spirited, Awaken the Spirit Within, and What the Dead Have Taught Me About Living Well; as well as the host of The Last Goodbye. Her work focuses on tools and meditations for opening your intuition and learning how to communicate with loved ones who have passed. In between traveling the country to conduct readings, she also sees clients in her Denver office.
