Ridiculous (and Awesome) Gifts

While there’s no lack of over-the-top indulgences this time of year (18-karat gold dumbbells, anyone?), this gift guide isn’t just about crazy extravagances: There’s a little ridiculous for every budget.

• DIOR
  DIORIFIC VERNIS,
  STATE OF GOLD COLLECTION Bloomingdales, $28 As it goes, all that glitters is gold.
• TATCHA
  AKARI GOLD MASSAGER Barneys, $195 It’s a facial massager (and it’s actually amazing).
• CEDES MILANO TOOTHPASTE
  SQUEEZER Wallpaper Store, $244 Better than a chip clip.
• CONDOM DISPENSER Canoe, $42 Serious design, for taking safe sex seriously.
• WORLD VIEW EXPLORATION AT
  THE EDGE OF SPACE Neiman Marcus, $90,000 We don’t know how it works, but we want it.
• ROLEX DAYTONA SC BLUE Bamford Watch Department,
  $14,968.94 Because there’s nothing radder than a custom, neon-blue Rolex.
• ROSEWOOD HANDLE
  TRUFFLE SLICER Regalis, $40 If you own a truffle slicer…
• ITALIAN WHITE TRUFFLE Regalis, $175 It means you own truffles.
• GALANTER & JONES
  HELIOS HEATED LOUNGE The Future Perfect, $7,900 So you can sit outside in November without freezing your ass off. (It’s heated, and it’s gorgeous.)
• AQUAOVO
  RUBY WATER FILTER ABC Home, $1,100 This really pretties up a kitchen counter.
• hERMES MAH-JONG SET Hermes, about $46,000 There’s a waiting list.
• BEOLAB 90 Bang Olufsen, about $40,000 40K’s worth of sound.
• OSTRICHPILLOW® ORIGINAL Studio Banana Things, $99 So, you know, you can nap privately. In public.
• VINTAGE BALL
  AND CHAIN Blackman Cruz, $1,500 A one-liner in a vintage treasure.
• GILDED PLAYING CARDS
  WITH LEATHER CARD CASE Just One Eye, $2,300 High-stakes cards.
• THE STANDARD for JOSÉPHIER Joseph’s Toiletries, $956 The gold-standard of toilet paper—for the friend who truly has it all.
• DEVI STEAMER SEAT Vibrant Souls, $55 V-Steams to go.
• SENNHEISER ORPHEUS HEADPHONES Sennheiser, $55,000 Because some audiophiles really do “need” $55,000 headphones.
• HOCK DESIGN GOLDLOFT
  18K GOLD DUMBBELLS M˙oda ˙Operandi, $125,000 Speechless.
• WOOD FIRE PIZZA
  OVEN & SMOKER Thos. Baker, $1,995 What, you don’t have a pizza oven in your backyard?
• MODERN DINNER BELLS Food52, $60 It’s the only way we call our kids to supper.
• THE DARWIN TANK The Darwin Sect, $1,621.27 Unapologetically awesome. (No clue where you buy jellyfish though.)
• HEATED STADIUM SEAT CUSHION Sky Mall, $69.99 Long live SkyMall.
• ULYSSES TIER 1 STANDARD
  SURVIVAL KIT Just One Eye, $12,500 Give life, I.e., everything you need for a full two weeks.
• THE CULTIVIST MUSEUM CLUB
  MEMBERSHIP The Cultivist, $2,500 annually A pass to cut the line.

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